A Prozac-less remedy

Sometimes, I wonder where I would end up if I do not listen to my sis most of the time.

I had a bit of time to do some reflections on the train lately and also on the bus journey back from home. I love those coach rides because the journey's neither too long nor too short. It's perfect for me to sleep, read and ponder at the same time, at on a comfortable seat too. Heh.

But anyway, the point was to reflect on my short trip home, and basically the 6 weeks of sem 1. I thought I very much needed a break from work because of the jam-packed 6 weeks, but in actual fact, I think I just wanted to run away to the comfort of home, being able to meet my sis and my mum.

The group of people I mix with this sem is extremely diverse. From hardcore typical Singaporeans to friends in hall whom I got to know better over the hols to fellow archi friends whom I've known existed since year 1 but only got to know them better recently. 3 groups of friends from all facets of life, with a few good old friends. And I guess that when we are having a good time, we tends to lose ourselves in the moment and forget that the ground is beneath our feet. Sometimes, I too get easily persuaded to do something which is against my belief and stand. A promise made to myself not to get over-whelmed and to have more control over the situation but I think I lack the will this time round. Many times, I think I lacked the discipline and the power to stand firm on my ground, only to be easily coerced into something of not my liking. And I'm glad I realized that this was happening to me, which gave me another reason to run back home before I get swept further away.

Many times over, I tell myself never to forget where I came from. Never to lose the humble beginings. I realized that when I go home, it takes me awhile to get adjusted to the system and the pace at home. I have complained quite often of the slow service, the lackadaisical attitude and the lack of ambition of the people back home, but more often than not, I forget that I was nurtured in that environment that had given so much to me. And back home, I spend less than I do here, because I remind myself that the money I am spending is not mine, but here, it is hard to stinge all the time because people would only think that I am anti-social. It is hard to make them understand, this personal value of mine, which I have learnt much from my sisters, that we should not spoil ourselves even if we have the means to ( not like I do anyway). Sometimes, I do get appalled by the way people spend, but I don't really bother much because it is their money after all, but I guess it's just the values attached to the way of life and how you treasure certain things.

Talking to my sis always snaps me back to the bleak reality of life. Not that it's negative and dark, but just that reality is such and is inevitable. Sometimes, being away from her long enough makes me think that life is easy and good when it actually isn't. I'm glad and thankful for her negativity at times because she constantly reminds me of the future, not that it is forlorn, but just to brace myself for it. Not everyone wears a halo over her/his head.

The weather has been a bit melancholic, which sort of explains the way I feel. I think a few things that people around me have commented for the past few days have sort of irked me a little but it is forgiving because we all come from different backgrounds after all. As much as I would like to do as I please without the influence of others, it is also good to remember that the consequences of our actions will affect others in one way or another. Moreover, most of the time, it is for our own good, not the opposite.

Every single act or action of ours will affect others in one way or another. Why do I bother to think so much of the consequences of my actions on others when others don't really do the same? Is thinking too much that good after all? Well, I do not mind a few less strands of stray white hair on my head.

I guess I could always go ahead and do things MY way. Be a spoilt brat with a bottomless pocket and demand for additional allowance, but I'm thankful that my sis, through her numerous naggings, has made me a more conscious person in all that I do, albeit I have a more positive outlook to life than her. Haha.

Life is beautiful. Don't spoil it by being careless and stupid.