rotting ramblings

1. I'm eager to return because I now feel a bit lost with studio back home, although I know it's massive work to catch up, I have faith

2. I am not that eager to leave, because of the reason above, and also because I know that my work here is not complete. I do not like to leave things dangling halfway when they are starting to get interesting and worthy of learning. Now my count for the number of tutors that I truly respect amounts up to 5. That's not bad, considering I've had 7 semesters already.

3. I shall be optimistic about going back because I know of a new me.

4. What is a new me anyway?

5. I would like to start afresh because I am brimming with ideas and inspiration. I hope I won't let n.u.s. nor anyone douse that flame. Good 'chi'... good 'chi'

6. I am very excited about this new-found knowledge that I've recently obtained, eager to bring it further and to search deeper. Only those who seek will truly find. My mind is full with questions. Not that I seek to challenge people, but I crave for understanding. As a passage mysteriously revealed to me what I've been asking all this while, all the conversations I've had, the 'attacks', the inability to response and lack of knowledge, I now realise that they were all part and parcel of searching for the answer. Nothing is achieved without effort, nothing is gained without an earnest want for it.

7. A disconnected statement: I've only been to Catholic services/cathedrals this semester, more than I've ever been to in my whole entire life. I think, I'm starting to see it in a different light. I suspect, a change is coming my way. I even started my year with a blessing from the priest at westminster. I think... It's still early to tell.

8. I've concluded that people who continuously tease you when you've made it clear that' it's not to your liking ' are downright mean and evil people, sadistic and have a twisted idea of fun.

9. People who buy loads of junk, may say they collect junk, but please think of those who cannot even afford to buy a slice of bread.

10. I dream of something big this sem. Will you help me?

11. I'm not reffering to anyone in particular. Help if you like. I have no idea how big it'll get, or rather, what it is in the first place.

12. Does having a nightmare about being bitten by a cobra and then having your cat kill it mean anything to you? Please tell me if you do. I believe in reading the unconscious signs (it could be fun)

13. I like British newspapers and the BBC (not the tv though. they seem to show a lot of crap, apart from planet earth) . For once, some media is worth reading and listening to. Why can't everyone else follow suite?

This post sounds rather serious. It's not. I'm just jotting disconnected thoughts, taking a break from drawing and photoshopping. My first submission's tomorrow and my tutor expects a castle from me when I can only give her a cottage. So be it. 'I only aim to pass'. Being an 'under-achiever' for one semester feels good. But it shall be tried only once.

And oh, my impression of my trp lecturer has changed overnight, when he decided I could do my exam in my own time and place, provided 'I do not spend more than 3 hours and do not refer to any materials while writting it, and it can be submitted before or after you've returned home'. Have you ever met such a lovely man before? People here strive to make your life, and theirs, a better one, so unlike n.u.s.